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What is a boss anyway? We throw this term out there often enough but have we ever taken the time to read the definition of the word and what we are actually calling ourselves and each other when we say we are “bosses”.

According to the dictionary, a “boss” is someone who “knows what he or she wants, knows how to get what he wants, and gets it when he wants. He or she lives by his or her own code and does not care about what others think. A boss has his or her own personality and does not follow the norm, just because it is the norm. A boss does not settle for less than he or she is worthy of…”

Does this sound like you? 

We millennials are no stranger to hustle culture and a boss mentality. We like to feel like we are on top of all the things all the time. Our work from home desks and office cubicles are often littered with paraphernalia with statements such as “Girl Boss” or “Work Hard, Play Hard” because we like to remind ourselves not only what we are capable of but also our expectations for ourselves.

While millennials often get a bad rap for being lazy or spoiled, that stereotype is typically not deserved. Most of the millennials I know are working multiple demanding jobs, starting families, trying to drag themselves out of debt (hello, student loans!), all while maintaining an active social and faith life. They are often hard on themselves, pushing themselves to work harder, longer, and better all for the sake of achieving their dreamswhether that be a big promotion or finally becoming debt-free.

However, there is one all too common area of life that millennials are guilty of not having a boss attitude at all…their usage of pornography. Even millennials who push themselves to be better in most areas of their life, whether it be school or work, often come up short in this part of their lives. When it comes to sex (namely pornography but also the hook-up culture) millennials are quick to take shortcuts and lose all sense of integrity. While they may be willing to put in long hours at work with the hope of a promotion, they aren’t always willing to commit to a chaste and purposeful relationship that has the end goal of marriage. Instead, they find themselves turning to a habit of watching pornography or casual sex in order to fulfill their longing for intimacy and connection. 

In this area, millennials who turn to pornography usage are quick to live up to every bad stereotype about them. Some of them are weak. Some of them are lazy. And, some of them definitely are selfish. After all, there isn’t anything more selfish than using the exploitation of others to satisfy your own sexual desires. 

So, what should a boss-minded millennial who is addicted to pornography do instead? 

Step 1: Come to Terms With the Help You Need

The first is to realize that they are actually NOT the boss of their own lives. Like it or not, everyone (including even the most successful millennial out there) has a very real boss in Heaven who has very clear rules about what is right and what is wrong. Any millennial who believes in God needs to come to terms with the fact that they are not in control of their own lives but that God is and His will for their lives may end up looking very different than what they had in mind for themselves. In addition to that, it is also crucial that they realize that God’s ways are often difficult and unpopular…but it’s for our good! 

Once we come to terms with that, it’s time to take control of what we can in our lives. The first step is setting some goals for ourselves. If you struggle with an addiction to pornography, then it’s time to set the goal of becoming porn-free. If you struggle with casual hook-ups, then it’s time to refuse to engage in those types of relationships anymore. If you struggle with remaining chaste in your dating relationship, then you need to set some boundaries about what you can and can not do together. 

While many of us wouldn’t hesitate to list off multiple lofty goals that we hope to achieve in our future regarding careers, lifestyles, or family…many of us feel that it is difficult to set goals for breaking free from the bad habits that we have. This shouldn’t be the case though because we have everything we need to achieve these goals ourselves. Unlike a promotion or financial goal that relies on other people and circumstances to become accomplished, choosing to end an addiction to pornography or unhealthy relationships relies on just one person…YOU. And, unlike so many areas of your life, you can actually be your own boss in this circumstance and choose to make your own decisions. 

With that being said, however, this is a struggle that you do not and should not take on alone. 

Luckily for you, there is a tremendous support system out there through our faith that will help you to take on and actually accomplish this challenge. 

If you want to overcome an addiction to pornography, ask God to help you. Pray to Him and ask Him to guide you throughout the process and give you the strength you need to overcome it once and for all. Also, ask Him to send you the support you need, whether that’s through a trusted friend, a spiritual director, your pastor, a counselor/therapist, or a family member. There are people out there who love you and want to help you and there are others out there who are professionally trained to assist people in these types of addictions. Find the help, guidance, and support you need and, of course, keep God in the forefront! 

​​Unlike so many areas of your life, you can actually be your own boss in this circumstance and choose to make your own decisions with the support of your allies who of all people want you to be living the epitome of what culture means when we say, "You're so boss."

You know what you want, and you don't settle; you especially don't settle for anything less than what God has designed you for.

Once you’ve committed yourself to end these harmful habits, the next step you need to take is actually following through with ridding yourself of them. Now, I realize that this is much easier said than done, but, if you become as determined about quitting pornography as you do about the other goals you have in your life, it is definitely possible. But, what is important is that you get the right help and the right tools that you need to actually overcome what has possibly been a life-long struggle for you.

Step 2: Find the Right Tools for the Job

For starters, consider investing in Covenant Eyes accountability software. It holds you accountable beyond filters and makes you actually think before you click. If you truly want to be a boss in your own life, then you need to arm yourself with the tools that you need to accomplish the job, and internet accountability software is the best choice. 

Step 3: Choose Your Support

The next step would be to find a support system, particularly an ally, who can support you on your journey to becoming free of porn and using your time and talents for the good, just like a real boss does. Just as you would seek advice for an issue at work from someone who is trusted and knowledgeable, you should be willing to do the same things for yourself to finally break free from pornography addiction. 

Step 4: Get Committed! 

You need to commit to seeing this journey through and not giving up on yourself. There is no doubt that there will be times when it is extremely difficult (and, you may even slip up sometimes) but it is crucial that you don’t give up on yourself, even when the going gets really, really, tough. Just as you are uncompromising in other areas of your life, such as with your workouts or your career aspirations, you need to remain firm in your commitment to letting go of pornography once and for all. You really have to want this!

I know all of us millennials have too much going on, and it can be tempting to think that you don’t have what it takes to finally kick pornography to the curb. But, I am here to challenge that mentality. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy (it most likely won’t be at all) but it is important. And, if you are serious about becoming the best version of yourself and being the type of person who is a leader and strives to win in all situations then choosing to let go of your unhealthy relationships and pornography addictions is something you need to be committed to doing. 

Step 5: Be a Leader

Lastly, if you want to meet your future goals, whether that be getting married or moving to your dream city, it’s important to end your relationship with pornography now. Pornography usage is known for not only destroying your home life and romantic relationships but also leading to other addictions such as drugs or alcohol. While you may think that viewing pornography on your own time is harmless, it really isn’t, and you should be aware of the ways it harms the people on the screen and how it hurts you off the screen.

So, boss, I would just encourage you, if you want to be successful at all the things, consider giving up pornographyfor yourself and your future goals. And, as a leader, think of the next person and how it can protect them and their future goals! You have a bright future ahead of you; you have the great opportunity to be an example to others when you live up to the meaning of “boss.” Don’t risk it all for porn.

Resource
Ally Covenant Eyes

Covenant Eyes: Screen Accountability™

Description

Be the best version of you.

Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability is designed to help you live with integrity on your devices by sharing your activity with a trusted friend.

Audience: Adults and supervised minors 
Language: English
Resource Type: Software 
Cost: $16.99 / month.  

Kateri Bean is a cradle Catholic living in New Hampshire with her husband. She is passionate about sharing the Catholic faith, especially through writing and social media. She’s worked with a variety of organizations to grow their social media following and create engaging content. When she isn’t working, she can usually be found exploring the Granite state with her dog, enjoying an iced coffee, or working on plans for the house she and her husband are building.